CRACK THE SOCIAL CODE

Problems with inattention and distractibility can make it difficult to decode the subtle points of socialising, and people with ADHD often find themselves out of step as a result. I am running a two-part workshop (with counsellor Thelma Simpson) at LADS, aimed at helping people to "crack the social code". It is in response to FAQ which include:

"How can I tell if someone's being sarcastic or just joking?"
"How can I learn to make small talk?"
"Why do my friends keep getting annoyed?"

The workshop will be held on Wednesday 11th and 25th November, 7pm to 9:30pm at The Niche in Nedlands (Perth). Contact me for more info: 0411 067 541, or (08)6460-4690
http://www.micheletoner.com

Remembering to Remember

People with ADHD are often maligned for being forgetful. It's a problem that frequently gets them into trouble. Wedding anniversaries, birthdays, shopping and household chores are some of the casualties of the ADHD-brain. Hurt friends incorrectly assume that "if it was important enough to you, then you'd remember!" Well, that's not necessarily the case. One client told me how he fronted up for his TEE maths exam without any writing materials - his mum had to zip down to Officeworks to get the necessary supplies. Of course his TEE was important to him, but he was focusing on the content of the exam rather than the practicality of writing it.

There are many strategies for Remembering to Remember. It's a matter of finding what works for you. Perhaps your mobile phone or Blackberry can be programmed with reminders; computer software programmes are great - when you're at your computer; post-it notes work wonders for some. Find your strategy and make it work for you.

"Be faithful to that which exists nowhere but in yourself" - Andre Gide

TOMP-itis

There's a syndrome commonly associated with ADHD - it's called Too Much on your Plate, or as I like to call it TOMP-itis, and it's caused by over-commitment. Most people say "yes" when they mean "no" at least once in their lives, but people with ADHD tend to make a habit of it - and it causes serious problems for them.
"Why do I do it?" someone once asked me.
Well, there are several reasons. First, the impulsivity associated with ADHD sometimes causes people to make commitments before thinking them through. For example, when your friend asks you to go shopping with her for a new outfit, your immediate response is "yes", based on how much fun it will be and what a good friend she is. However, when you stop to think about it, you remember that you've agreed to spend the morning doing something with your partner. "He'll understand, right?" Maybe - or maybe not, depending on how many times you've done the same thing.
Another cause of TOMP-itis is a constant need for stimulation and busy-ness. After all, doing too much is much better that doing nothing, right? And if you fill your day with commitments you have a valid excuse for not doing that boring housework / filing / painting / gardening. Think again. Chores will not go away if you ignore them, and spending too much time on the go will cause you to burn out.

The solution to TOMP-itis ?

1. Practice saying: "That sounds great, can I confirm later today?" Create some space between the request and your answer so that you can consider other commitments.
2. Keep a diary of your commitments and CHECK IT EVERY DAY.
3. Keep a balance between commitments and time-out. You owe it to yourself, your family and your friends.