Change Your Thoughts

People with ADHD tend to ruminate. Something unpleasant happens and they focus on it, imagining the worst. These negative thought can take over our minds, keeping us awake at night and preventing us from getting on with our lives. Martin Seligman has a process for Disputing Negative Thoughts, and it's as easy as A B C D E. I'd like to share it with you. The steps are:

A - Adversity
B - Beliefs
C - Consequences
D - Disputing
E- Energizing

Do this exercise with a pen and paper, and make detailed notes for each step. Let's use a job application as an example.

A - Write down a recent Adversity that has occurred in your life, causing to ruminate. Be objective when you describe it. Resist the urge to become emotional about it.
For example - I've just heard that I didn't get a job I recently applied for. I managed to get through two rounds of interviews, but they have just informed me that the job has been awarded to someone with more experience in this particular field.

B - Record your beliefs about this situation. What are you saying to yourself in connection with the Adversity.
For example - I'll never get a decent job. Nobody wants to employ me. I must have said something stupid in the interview. I guess I just don't have what it takes.

C- Now record the consequences of your beliefs about this Adversity. Be specific, listing everything you said and did. Be aware of the emotions you are feeling and list them as well.
For example - Well I felt really low when I thought about it. I decided that there was no point applying for jobs, so I haven't been putting my resume in for other positions. I just keep looking through the available jobs and convincing myself that I won't get them.

D - Ok, now it's time to dispute those beliefs. Challenge yourself to find one truth to prove your beliefs wrong. Write it down
For example - Actually, I did get through the first round of interviews, so I must have had some qualities they need. In fact, I received some very positive feedback from their HR department. Also, the person they employed has been working in this field for 5 years, as opposed to my 2 years. Another take on this could be that it wasn't the job for me. Which means the job for me is still out there.
E- Now that you have disputed your negative beliefs, what has happened to your energy? How else could you approach this situation and turn it into a positive experience? List your new thoughts.
For example - Well I feel more hopeful now. My energy has lifted and I feel capable of getting a good job that is suited to my strengths. I reckon I can spend the afternoon applying for more jobs.

Try the ABCDE model for yourself. Remember that your thoughts are not necessarily truths. Dispute them. Turn them around.
As Mike Dooley says in his inspiring Notes from the Universe:
Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones.

Promises, promises

Many of my clients beat themselves up because they 'break their promises'. They tell me that co-workers call them unreliable, while friends & family consider them to be uncaring. How can this be, they wonder, knowing that they are comitted to performing well at work and being there for loved ones? When they pause to consider some scenarios, they realise that is their eagerness to please, they often commit to more than is humanly possible. There may be many reasons for that. Time management is certainly problematic for many. I think it was Ed Hallowell who once said that while time was designed to divide the day into manageable bits, it becomes a black hole that swallows people with ADHD. I have one client who refers to 'the vortex' - which she enters with the intention of staying 30 minutes, only to emerge an hour later. There are many strategies to combat this. Nancy Ratey, for example suggests that we add a third to any time we estimate the time a task will take. Impulsivity poses another challenge. How can our brain stop and think about adding a third to our time when our mouth is alreday saying: 'No worries. Of course I can do that by the end of the day'? I teach my clients a mantra: 'I'll get back to you with a time'. This creates the valuable PAUSE that coaches work towards with their clients. Our aim is always to under-promise and over-deliver. There are many ways of achieving this state of bliss - when we succeed at keeping our promises and exceeding the expectations of those around us. Practical strategies go part of the way. But we also need to examine our beliefs around promises broken and kept. Everyone's solution will be different, but one thing's certain - beating yourself up achieves nothing except a damaged sense of self. Coaching is a "no beat-up zone". Consider using it to achieve your goals.

The Body Double Concept

Sometimes, all you need to get a boring or troublesome job done is the presence of someone else. That's where the Body Double comes in.

I was first introduced to this well-used coaching strategy in A wonderful book by Judith Kolberg & Kathleen Nadeau (ADD-Friendly Ways to Organise Your Life). They describe a Body Double as 'a support person who doesn't need to do anything except be there while you work.' Their role is one of support, and they serve as a reminder that you are there to focus on a particular task.

The Body Double works in many ways. For example, Kolberg & Nadeau suggest that if you have lots of bills to pay, and letters to send off, the Body Double can sit at a table with you while you do that. They could be reading a book, or writing letters of their own, and could then help by sealing envelopes and sticking stamps, leaving all the other administration to you.

In a recent training programme I was required to do a module review each month - a task I found unappealing and decidedly boring. Enter Body-Double-Bobby, who is based in California. We were doing the training together via teleconference and he was also finding the Module Reviews a chore. We set up a weekly Skype session where we both worked independently on our reviews, and had the occasional chat between answers. Our work was done before we knew it. Each time I was given a new review to complete, I resolved to do it before the call, just to prove I could. But I always ended up waiting because it was so much more appealing to do it with somebody else.

My clients often use me as a remote Body Double. For example, if they have a long to-do list to complete, they will ask if they can SMS me after each item has been completed. The fact that I am waiting for their SMS messages motivates them to get on with the job. Sometimes they even use my spare office space to do chores - and then I'm a real-life Body Double for them, even though I'm in a different room.

How could you use a Body Double to get jobs done?

What do people say about attention difficulties?

A recent Dutch survey investigated the effects of attention difficulties in the general population. 1500 people with no diagnosis of ADHD completed checklists to ascertain their level of attention difficulties, and what impact these difficulties were having on their Quality of Life (QoL). The results will come as no surprise to people with ADHD, who have been dealing with this issue for all of their lives.

Results of the survey analysis found that attention problems are common in the general population, and that they are related to depressed mood, anxiety and sleep problems. Their effects on individuals' Quality of Life include problems with social functioning, emotional problems, and lack of vitality. These problems occurred in a third of the people surveyed. No reasons for these attention difficulties were explored, and it is possible that the participants, who were described as 'healthy' had some undiagnosed conditions causing their attentional difficulties. We know, for example, that ADHD is under-diagnosed. In addition, a group of participants were classified as 'elderly', which could account for their particular attention problems.

Another possibility exists - that participants could have symptoms at a sub-clinical level. In other words, they could have some attentional difficulties, but not enough to warrant any clinical diagnosis. Clearly, their symptoms were still troublesome. Dr John Ratey wrote a wonderful book some years ago, entitled Shadow Syndromes. It provided a compelling account of the impairments experienced by people who had mild versions of serious disorders.

The message is clear - people with attention difficulties, with or without a diagnosis - have symptoms interfering with their quality of life. They need to learn more about how those symptoms are affecting them, and devise strategies to deal with them.

Scholtissen-In de Braek et al, (2011)The identification of attention complaints in the general population and their effect on quality of life. Journal of Attention Disorders, 15 (1).

i-Phone Malfunction more serious if you have ADHD

As soon as I awoke this morning I knew that something was wrong. You see, each weekday I go for a walk at 5am with my friend Lorraine. Often, I don't fel like going, but the knowledge that she will be standing at my gate waiting for me to appear is enough to get me moving. And I always feel SO good afterwards. But this morning, as soon as I opened my eyes, I realised that it didn't feel like 5am - too light and too hot. My trusty i-phone alarm had failed. 'How could this happen?', I asked my husband, and saw immediately by the look on his face that he didn't believe me. He patted my hand kindly and got me the paper from the porch. Shortly thereafter, our daughter, who was scheduled to go kayaking in the ocean with her Dad, had to be woken - most unusual for our disciplined dancer. She too was protesting that her i-phone had let her down. How curious? And then I spotted the article on pg 5 of the newspaper. It seems that a software glitch prevented the i-phone alarm function from working after January 1st. Pretty much nobody noticed until this morning.

My first thought when I awoke had been one of embarrassment and disappointment, because I had let my friend down. But I knew that she would understand, because I am (normally) always so reliable. Then I started to worry about all of my clients and friends with ADHD who rely so much on technology like the i-phone. It struck me that an incident such as this has farther-reaching consequences for those whose brains function in a different manner.

People with ADHD are often thought of as being unreliable. This is because time management skills do not come naturally to these lateral-thinking, big picture people who love to live in the moment. Society can be very judgemental of such wondrous beings, and so I spared a thought for those who would be accused of 'not caring', enough to be on time this morning. How would they explain their way out of this situation, knowing full well that many people have heard many excuses from them in the past? And what would it do for their confidence? Having found a reminder system that works for them, would this software glitch make them feel despondent about 'ever getting it right'?

Well here's what I think: people with ADHD should take comfort from the fact that Apple Software got it wrong. Everybody should give themself permission to get it wrong sometimes. It's what makes it so wonderful when we get it right. The i-phone is a great invention. It has changed the way we communicate, and has made the world a lot more accessible to people with disabilities. Such big-picture, lateral thinking can come at a price. Ask anyone with ADHD. Sometimes the mundane details are overlooked. And that's not the end of the world.

Fortunately, today is a public holiday in Australia. Although I'm aware that many people do indeed go to work today, I take comfort that the number of people (with or without ADHD) who might have been late for work was reduced considerably. I'm confident that any dates, who thought they had been stood up, will understand when they hear about the Apple software bug, so the disruption in people's lives should be kept to a minimum.

One last thing - I can't help wondering how many chance encounters will occur today, as a result of the i-phone glitch. How many people will meet their life partner as they take the later train, change their route to save time, or change their plans totally? Something to think about as you mutter under your breath about your "@$/%! i-phone. Don't forget to pay attention to the possibilities this situation might present. In the words of Charles Darwin:

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

ADHD and the Great Outdoors

When I was interviewing adults for my Masters thesis, many told me how they love being outdoors. They spoke of their awareness of a need to exercise and be active, both as children and adults. They described an excess of energy that they 'need to burn off'. Consequently, they reported busy, active childhoods, with much time spent outdoors on bicycles and horses. Outdoor sport played a major role in their youth, with some claiming that it was all that got them through school. As adults, they described a restlessness, which is controlled when they are outdoors. Contact with nature is for them, a release from the pressure of their often-chaotic lives. Martin discussed his need to spend time surrounded by Nature as follows:

I just feel more open. I'm not claustrophobic. It's how my mind gets in tune with everything - the energy, the frequency. Who knows what it is? But it makes me feel very comfortable. I zone a lot better.

I'm not about to jump on the beat-up bandwagon and blame a lack of exercise for the existence of ADHD. On the contrary, my Masters thesis bears testimony to the fact that active, fit children can and do grow up to be adults struggling with ADHD. My motivation for writing this article is to remind you that exercise, and spending time outdoors, could make life easier on many fronts.

Dr John Ratey has spent years researching the positive effects of exercise on brain functioning. His book 'Spark' details the benefits of exercise, specifically for that beautiful ADHD Brain, and I would urge you to read it. He also provides a wealth of information on his website www.johnratey.com for those who like to read in short bursts. His message is simple : Exercise helps the brain learn!

A recent study, published in the Journal of Child Health Care Development (Van Den Berg & Van Den Berg, Dec 2010) found that outdoor, natural areas provide a consistent positive environment for children with ADHD. The aim of the study was to gain more insight into the behaviour, as well as the emotional and cognitive functioning of children in both natural and built settings. Two groups of six children who stayed at care farms for children with ADHD in the Netherlands were systematically observed, questioned and tested during visits to wooded areas and a small town. The results of the research showed that both groups performed better on a concentration test in the woods than in the town, despite the fact that all children visited the town after they visited the woods - meaning that their town results were possibly inflated as they were doing the same test for the second time. Behaviour-wise, the children differed. One group of children liked the woods better than the town, and displayed more positive behaviours & feelings in the woods. The other group of children liked the town and the woods equally, and they displayed positive behaviours & feelings in both settings. However, they showed more symptoms of ADHD and aggression in the town than in the woods.

Clearly, more research is needed to establish the effect of the physical environment on both children and adults with ADHD. However, in my opinion, it is important for people to pay attention to their responses in different environments. Where do I feel better? Where do I work better? Does my ideal environment change with the seasons? Become a self-sleuth and note your observations for future reference. Ask a coach to help you explore these options.

My challenge to you - commit to outdoor exercise 3 times per week for a month. See if it makes you feel better? Let me know.

Remember - you have many gifts - learn to make the most of them.

Screening Tool for Adult ADHD

As many people know, the diagnosis of ADHD in Australia is generally based on symptoms listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV-TR). However, the ADHD symptoms listed in the DSM were originally written for children, several decades ago. While the DSM-IV (1994) presented the first set of diagnostic criteria to use wording applicable to adults and children, the criteria have not been validated in adults, and they do not take into account the fact that symptoms such as physical hyperactivity diminish with age. There is concern, therefore, that many adults with ADHD will not meet the diagnostic criteria, and will miss out on vital treatment for this serious condition. It is thought that the list of adult symptoms will be more appropriate when the new DSM-V is published within the next couple of years.

In 2003 the World Health Organisation (WHO) published a screening tool for adult ADHD. It must be stressed that this is not a list of diagnositc criteria. However, it is a helpful tool for helping people determine whether they have ADHD characteristics which can then be further investigated by an ADHD specialist. The Adult Self-Report Scale (ASRS-VI.1) is printed below for your information.

1. How often do you have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project, once the challenging parts have been done?


2. How often do you have difficulty getting things in order when you have to do a task that requires organisation?


3. How often do you have problems remembering appointments or obligations?


4. When you have a task that requires a lot of thought, how often do you avoid or delay getting started?


5. How often do you fidget or squirm with your hands or feet when you have to sit down for a long time?


6. How often do you feel overly active and compelled to do things, like you were driven by a motor?


7. How often do you make careless mistakes when you have to work on a boring or difficult project?


8. How often do you have difficulty keeping your attention when you are doing boring or repetitive work?


9. How often do you have difficulty concentrating on what people say to you even when they are speaking to you directly?


10. How often do you misplace or have difficulty finding things at home or at work?


11. How often are you distracted by activity or noise around you?


12. How often do you leave your seat in meetings or other situations in which you are expected to remain seated?


13. How often do you feel restless or fidgety?


14. How often do you have difficulty unwinding and relaxing when you have time to yourself?


15. How often do you find yourself talking too much when you are in social situations?


16. When you're in a conversation, how often do you find yourself finishing the sentences of the people you are talking to before they can finish them themselves?


17. How often do you have difficulty waiting your turn in situations when turn taking is required?


18. How often do you interrupt others when they are busy?

Do any of these symptoms apply to you? Discuss them with your doctor, or give me a call to work out some strategies to deal with them.

Mobile: 0411 067 541

Landline: (08)6142-9456

micheletoner@hotmail.com