Monday, November 23, 2009

Sometimes it's not your problem, it's theirs!

The wars between peoples are a reflection of our own inner conflict and fear -Jack Kornfeld-

People with ADHD can be very hard on themselves. You become so accustomed to getting the blame for problems in the classroom, the playground, the workplace, the family home and your friendships, that you tend to blame yourself for anything that goes wrong. Well sometimes it's not you – it's them.

How do you know the difference? Well, when you find yourself in a situation of conflict or unpleasantness, ask yourself what YOU can do to change the situation? Are you being too rigid? If so, become more flexible in your handling of the situation and try to meet the other person halfway. Are you feeling stressed by the situation and potentially operating on a 'short fuse'? If so, take a step back from the stress when it occurs and go for a walk to the bathroom / kitchen / post office in order to cool off. Are you pulling your weight and meeting all your commitments? If not, step up your input, or ask someone what you can or need to do. Are you confused about why there's a problem? Ask your friends / colleagues if they can offer some insight. Perhaps you're just over-reacting to something, or reading too much into a situation.

If you've done all of the above, and you still feel convinced that something is not quite right. Forget it! You can't be responsible for other people's feelings, and you're certainly not responsible for every problem that occurs around you. Remind yourself on a regular basis that “It's Their Problem Not Mine” and get on with your life. Your change in attitude will probably bring about a change in their attitude as well. If you continue to feel undervalued, move on. Find a new circle of friends or colleagues, and concentrate on people who value you.

So, next time you feel like beating yourself up, remember:

Sometimes it's not your problem, it's theirs!

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