Many clients come to see me because they have been sent for 'fixing' by their wives, mothers, fathers, friends or even sometimes their children. They bring a litany of complaints compiled by their loved ones and ask me to help them to be perfect so that those close to them can like them better. I always have to disappoint them on that score. Instead of focusing on their faults, I like them to focus on their strengths. Sometimes they can't mention a single positive thing about themselves, as all they see are the faults that are constantly pointed out to them. When we love someone, and when we're worried about their inappropriate behaviours, we sometimes go overboard and won't stop trying to fix them until we think they're perfect.
I'm not making an excuse for inappropriate or hurtful behaviour here. ADHD causes much friction in the household, and much of the coaching work I do focuses on changing my clients' behaviours and habits. But I do always have to guard against the tendency to blame everything that goes wrong in the house on the child or adult with ADHD. I ask wives what it was that first attracted them to their husband with ADHD, and whether those endearing qualities still exist? If they do, we have something strong to work on. There has to be some hope! I ask mums to describe positive qualities in their children, and watch their faces light up as they talk of the wonderful lego creations, drawings, plays and other marvellous creations produced by their less-than-perfect offspring.
What's my point? Let's not forget to celebrate the good while we're weeding out the problems. Two mums, who also happen to be sisters, have started a movement to celebrate imperfection. They call themselves the Shutup Sisters, having written a book called: Shutup About your Perfect Kid!.
I urge you to join their movement, or to start one of your own. Add your celebration of imperfection to this blog, or click on my Facebook Page widget to add your story of imperfection there. You'll find a link to the Shutup Sisters there too.
Coaching can help you to identify your strengths and weaknesses. That, in turn, will make it possible to maximise your strengths and minimise your weaknesses. Yes, with coaching you too can be perfectly imperfect.
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