ADHD Coaching - Ban New Year's Resolutions

My suggestion for 2010 - make your usual list of New Year's resolutions, then tear the list up and burn it! For some reason this silly ritual of setting ourselves impossible tasks persists year in and year out, and we set ourselves up for failure. I'll never forget a particular New Year's Day about 15 years ago, when my dear friend Wanda gave up coffee, alcohol and cigarettes - cold turkey - all together, simultaneously, and at the same time! I believe that particular New Year's Day was the hottest in Australian history, and we were at a venue without air conditioning. By midday Wanda was swaeting more than everybody put together, and by 3pm she became convinced that she was coming down with the flu. It was obvious to all her friends, if not to her, that the shock of suddenly cutting out all her 'vices' was bringing on some serious side effects. We persuaded her to have a cigarette, or a cup of coffee, or a glass of wine. She opted for all 3, and slowly her side effects subsided. We've laughed about that day for many years. These days Wanda does not smoke at all, and enjoys coffee & wine in moderation. It took her several years to get her '3 worst habits' under control, one at a time.

Learn from Wanda and make small changes in your life, for small changes have huge repercussions eventually. I'm borrowing a mantra that a colleague came up with at a workshop I recently attended:

MY BEST WILL ALWAYS BE GOOD ENOUGH.
That means that my only New Year's Resolution will be to do my best each day. By that I mean that I will try my best to handle the curved balls life throws at me, and not to beat myself up when my results are less than spectacular. For more information see my website: http://www.micheletoner.com/
If you would like me to help you to do your best in 2010, please call me on 0411 067 541, or email me on micheletoner@hotmail.com

ADHD Coaching - Silly Season

This is not called the Silly Season for nothing. Despite our best efforts we can often find ourselves in all sorts of trouble at this time of the year. The other day a psychologist on breakfast TV calmly told the nation that it takes the average family 10 minutes to have their first argument on Christmas Day. Perhaps that is why so many people with ADHD dread it so much. I have been asked the same question many times over the past week: "Any tips for making it through an ADHD-Christmas?" So, here are my top 3:

1. Don't over-commit. Bill Cosby once said: "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody". In your attempts to keep everybody happy, you might be tempted to fill your diary with too many Christmas Catch-ups, and end up disappointing friends if you cancel. Instead, choose one day where you invite all your friends to a BYO Christmas Catch-up in a park.
2. Take time out. It's important to schedule some days and/or nights where you just "chill". Burning the candle at both ends can be fun for a while, but it's not possible to maintain a high level of energy output. People with ADHD can crash and burn without warning if they don't rest. It's also important to take little timeouts at functions that might be stressful. For example, if you simply can't bear another minute of your boring brother-in-law, politely excuse yourself and go for a discreet walk around the block.
3. Be kind to yourself. People with ADHD tend to have a long mental list of things to do over the break, and then beat themselves up when they don't get done. Add them to your New Year's list and slowly tackle them in the coming weeks and months.

Remember, Christmas doesn't have to be perfect. It's the mishaps that make days memorable. Relax and enjoy yourself.
If you'd like to see me, phone me on 0411 067 541 for an appointment. See my website for more information: http://www.micheletoner.com

ADHD Coaching - To Tell or not to Tell

The decision to tell or not to tell a friend, lecturer, boss or colleague about a diagnosis of ADHD is never taken lightly. I have been asked countless times for my advice on this issue. Of course, there's never a straight answer. It always depends on the situation, and on the people involved. In Australia, unlike the US, ADHD is not recognised as a disability, although it is supported by Disability Services at universities. This means that in Australia you sometimes have to prove your right to accommodations in the workplace or classroom - a daunting task for someone who is already struggling to cope in their environment. Add to that the stigma associated with ADHD - the majority of society's members view it as a cop-out, poor parenting, unhealthy diet, adults who won't take responsibility for their problems.
So what do you do? Here are my 5 top tips:

1. Look for 1 person you can trust and ask them to be a mentor. Educate them.
   
2. Admit to the symptoms but not the diagnosis
3. Ask for regular feedback and then work behind the scenes with a coach to address any issues raised
   
4. If you're a student - REGISTER WITH DISABILITY SERVICES
   
5. Always remember that if you're feeling unvalued - move on. You will be valued elsewhere.

Feel free to contact me for suggestions specific to your situation:
Email: micheletoner@hotmail.com
Mobile: 0411 067 541
Skype: michele.toner
Website: http://www.micheletoner.com