Six days into
2014, and chances are you are working very hard at keeping your New Year's
resolutions. So how are they working for you? I'm guessing that some people are going
just fine - no sugar / caffeine / alcohol has passed your lips - while others
are already doing the self beat-up because your resolutions have
unravelled. Let's pause for a minute and take a look at why this whole
process is so difficult.
New Year's
resolutions are generally about changing habits, and habits are hard to change.
Throw ADHD into the mix, and the process becomes a whole lot harder. Forget
that well trotted out phrase about it taking 21 days to establish a new habit,
the ADHD version can take a lot longer. First,
you need to remember the resolutions that you have made. That might sound silly
to some, but believe me, someone with ADHD could be well into their day before
they remember that they resolved to exercise that morning (and every morning
after that). There is a whole layer of reminder systems that people without
ADHD never need to worry about.
Next, there is
the boredom factor. Sticking to a New Year’s resolution may become even more
challenging for people with ADHD if there is no stimulation attached. For
example, nice long walks could effectively improve fitness for some,
but they could be torturously boring for people with ADHD, who may need to
engage a kick-ass personal trainer, or sign up for an extreme sport. Finding
the right strategy is vital when you have ADHD.
Finally, there is
the ADHD need for rewards. The ADHD brain has to work much harder to get
certain things done – particularly if they are difficult or boring. As a
result, there needs to be more motivation. Have a specific, immediate reward
planned for when your brain asks: “What’s in it for me?”
Does this all
sound like a “Get out of Gaol Free” card? Well it’s not. This merely provides
an explanation – supplies some of the reasons why changing habits can be so
hard for people with ADHD. I witness people with ADHD making massive changes in
their lives all the time, as an ADHD coach. Because I know how challenging the
process can be, I am able to guide them through their challenges, and to CELEBRATE
their successes with them.
And that’s where
self-compassion comes in. People with ADHD don’t forgive themselves for their
mistakes, and often spend a lot of time brooding about them. This prevents them
from focusing on their goals.
I have a
suggestion for next time your New Year’s resolutions hit a bump in the road. Instead
of serving yourself a supersized portion of self-criticism, take it off the
menu. Replace it with SELF-COMPASSION, and sample it every day, until you get
to like the taste. It will help you to achieve your goals. So, practising
self-compassion could be the most important New Year’s Resolution you ever
make.
