Your Most Important New Year's Resolution Ever

Six days into 2014, and chances are you are working very hard at keeping your New Year's resolutions. So how are they working for you? I'm guessing that some people are going just fine - no sugar / caffeine / alcohol has passed your lips - while others are already doing the self beat-up because your resolutions have unravelled.  Let's pause for a minute and take a look at why this whole process is so difficult. 

New Year's resolutions are generally about changing habits, and habits are hard to change. Throw ADHD into the mix, and the process becomes a whole lot harder. Forget that well trotted out phrase about it taking 21 days to establish a new habit, the ADHD version can take a lot longer.  First, you need to remember the resolutions that you have made. That might sound silly to some, but believe me, someone with ADHD could be well into their day before they remember that they resolved to exercise that morning (and every morning after that). There is a whole layer of reminder systems that people without ADHD never need to worry about.

Next, there is the boredom factor. Sticking to a New Year’s resolution may become even more challenging for people with ADHD if there is no stimulation attached. For example, nice long walks could effectively improve fitness for some, but they could be torturously boring for people with ADHD, who may need to engage a kick-ass personal trainer, or sign up for an extreme sport. Finding the right strategy is vital when you have ADHD.

Finally, there is the ADHD need for rewards. The ADHD brain has to work much harder to get certain things done – particularly if they are difficult or boring. As a result, there needs to be more motivation. Have a specific, immediate reward planned for when your brain asks: “What’s in it for me?”

Does this all sound like a “Get out of Gaol Free” card? Well it’s not. This merely provides an explanation – supplies some of the reasons why changing habits can be so hard for people with ADHD. I witness people with ADHD making massive changes in their lives all the time, as an ADHD coach. Because I know how challenging the process can be, I am able to guide them through their challenges, and to CELEBRATE their successes with them.

And that’s where self-compassion comes in. People with ADHD don’t forgive themselves for their mistakes, and often spend a lot of time brooding about them. This prevents them from focusing on their goals. 

I have a suggestion for next time your New Year’s resolutions hit a bump in the road. Instead of serving yourself a supersized portion of self-criticism, take it off the menu. Replace it with SELF-COMPASSION, and sample it every day, until you get to like the taste. It will help you to achieve your goals. So, practising self-compassion could be the most important New Year’s Resolution you ever make.

ADHD Coach Perth: Tips for improving emotional wellbeing at school

In my last blog I spoke about a recent link established between children's mental health & wellbeing and academic results. In this blog I'll share some tips for enabling the school to support your child's emotional as well as academic progress.

Teach them about your child - Make a list of your child's strengths and challenges, and ensure that all of your children's teachers receive the list. If your child is at high school, don't rely on the year co-ordinator to inform everybody - do it yourself, and follow through to check that they have all received the information. If your child is at primary school, remember to include art, music or physical education teachers. Tell teachers that your child has ADHD, but also let them know if there are any co-existing conditions such as anxiety or a learning difficulty.

Let the teachers know what they can do to help your child be successful Share information about your child's strengths (e.g. 'My child is an expert on birds - or WWII fighter planes, and would love an opportunity to share some of this knowledge with the class). Ask the teacher to 'prep' your child in private about questions that will come up in the class (e.g. 'Tomorrow when I talk about volcanos, I'll be asking you about ..... What will your response be?) A few successful responses will enable your child to answer future questions more confidently in the future.

Don't assume that the teacher knows about ADHD. Teachers sometimes base their ADHD  strategies on experiences they have had with a particular student. Let your child's teacher know that ADHD affects each child differently. For example, some children with ADHD have very slow processing speeds, and need a lot more time to complete their work. Others need to work really quickly in order to get all of the information out of their heads and onto paper. Be sure to inform the teacher that inconsistency is one of the most frustrating aspects of ADHD.  Teachers often assume that students aren't trying hard enough because they are successful one day and unsuccessful the next.

Request a mentor or a go-to person for your child. Children with ADHD can feel very isolated and overwhelmed at school. This can result in frequent toilet breaks or sick bay visits. Find out who your child trusts at the school, and have an arrangement for your child to see that person when he or she feels the need. When children feel supported they are far less likely to get anxious - which means they are better able to learn.

Ask the teacher to treat your child with respect. Teachers often become frustrated with challenging children, and they sometimes let that frustration show. As Rick Lavoie explains, each time a teacher is short or disrespectful towards a child, they are giving the rest of the class permission to behave in the same way. By way of contrast, if teachers go out of their way to show the class that they value your child, they will be encouraging other students to do the same.

Contact me if you have more specific concerns about your child:
Mobile 0411 067 541
Email: micheletoner@hotmail.com