What I'm grateful for ....

I am so grateful -- The 3D printer went off to the big Engineering Lab in the Sky (make that UWA). For months now it has inhabited our family room - a great big hulk of a wooden framework with lots of moving bits inside. On Monday, as part of its transition to the next life, it moved to the outside patio (thankfully) as the sand component was added -LOTS OF SAND! Now it's gone. Thank you!

Believe it or not, I'm so grateful that I had that 3D printer in my life for a while. It was to be the last in a string of Engineering projects that somehow ended up in our house, bringing wonderful young people with them. Who could forget Warman - Matt, Lorin & Callum pulling countless all-nighters in a row as they constructed a masterpiece - with me feeding them each time they opened their mouths. Each night when I went to bed I sent prayers to whoever might be listening - if you make it work nicely for them I'll be a good person forever. Some days it worked, and some days it didn't. They got what they needed from that project, not what Matt's mum wanted them to get. (They also got dumped for neglecting their girlfriends) After Warman we swore that they would never make another project at our house.

But the 3D printer was special - it was THE THESIS - the culmination of all those years at school and university. And so I grew to love it. What did it make me grateful for?

• the school teachers (few and far between) who recognised a good mathematical brain behind the reluctance to write (Mrs Lloyd, year 4, knew before any of us that he would be an engineer)
• a tertiary system that allows flexible learning, enabling great thinkers to show their best qualities. The world needs people who think outside the box!
• the pictures of Matt huddled over piles of wire on the family room floor, as his brilliant ideas took shape
• the 'design' conversations I heard him sharing with his Dad, even though I didn't understand a word
• the warm chats with his sister in Melbourne as they traded sorry stories about his broken circuits and her strained muscles
• beautiful Mary from across the road (86 going on 26) who allowed him to machine-sew the sandbags he painstakingly cut out and tacked together, and the bunch of daffodils he took her that night
• his absolute determination to achieve his goal of becoming a mechanical engineer.

And so the 3D printer has moved on - still not completed but almost there. Each night when I go to bed, I'll be making all sorts of pacts about being a better person if it works well. Just because that's what I do. But here's the thing -I know that Matt will shine at his thesis presentation regardless of whom I pray to or what I feed him. He can do it all by himself.

And that's what I'm most grateful for. I hope he writes his story one day.

Thank you!

The Stigma of ADHD

A recent study looked at the experiences of parents of children recently diagnosed with ADHD produced the following findings:

• 77% of theose parents experienced stigma as a result of their chid's diagnosis.
• 44% of the parents reported that they were concerned about how society would label their child.
• 40% felt social isolation and rejection
• 21% felt that doctors and teachers dismissed their concerns about their children
• Parents' attitudes to ADHD were treatment were influenced by negative stories in the media, their mistrust of doctors, and the influence of general public views.

There is a need for more public education, and the Health Departments of various states / countires should be driving this. We all know how effective the public's education about depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions has increased awareness, diagnosis, and treatment in those areas. Let's all do our bit to educate the public about ADHD. Contact me if you would like a fact sheet dispelling ADHD Myths.

Michele Toner:
2 / 343 Cambridge St, FLOREAT, Western Austalia, 6014, Australia

Landline: +618 6142 9456
Mobile: +61 (0)411 067 541

Email: micheletoner@hotmail.com

http://micheletoner.com

ADHD and The Case for Neurodiversity

A new book by Thomas Armstrong compares the human brain to a rain forest, and suggests that we apply lessons learned about biodiversity and racial diversity to brain differences.
Entitled: Neurodiversity: Discovering the Extraordinary Gifts of Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Other Brain Differences, the book focuses on the 'hidden strengths' of mental illness, describing this as a powerful concept backed by brain research, anthropology and other fields, that can help revolutionize the way we look at mental illness. The author is quick to point out that he has no intention of trivialising mental health issues, and recognises that they involve tremendous hardship, suffering and pain. He also advocates the identification and treatment of mental illness in early childhood, to enable the best outcome. In his view, however, one important aspect of alleviating this hardship is an emphasis on the positive dimensions of people who have traditionally been stigmatized as less than normal.

Thomas asserts that there is no such thing as a 'normal' or standard brain, just as there is no standard plant, or standard cultural or racial group. In fact, diversity among brains is just as wonderfully enriching as biodiversity and the diversity among cultures and races. Instead of viewing brains as disordered, the emphasis in neurodiversity is placed on differences. For example, people with Dyslexia often have minds that visualize clearly in three dimensions. People with ADHD have a different, more diffused attentional style.

Eight principle of neurodiversity are proposed in this book:
1. The human brain works more like an ecosystem than a machine. As with ecosystems, the brain can transform itself. .
2. Human beings and brains exist along a continuum of competence. Knowing that we are all connected to each other on a continuum, just like ecosystems, means we need to have far greater tolerance for those with neurological systems that are different from ours.
3. Human competence is defined by the values of the culture to which you belong. By specifying precisely what human behaviours represent abnormal functioning, society upholds those social values it regards as sacred, and shuns any deviations.
4. Whether you are regarded as disabled or gifted depends largely upon when and where you live. Modern day students with learning disabilities often perform poorly in skills schools value most (reading, writing, maths, test-taking and rule-following), and strongly in things schools value least (art, music, nature, physical skill).
5. Success in life is based upon adapting one's brain to the needs of the surrounding environment. Instead of attempting to adapt neurodiverse brains to suit their environment, we should seek surroundings compatible with their differences.
6. Success in life depends upon modifying your surrounding environment to fit the needs of your unique brain. We are all constantly changing our suroundings to build niches for ourselves. It is possible for neurodiverse individuals to alter their environments to match the needs of their unique brain.
7. Niche construction includes career & lifestyle choices and assistive technologies tailored to the needs of a neurodiverse individual. Choices about lifestyle of career may be among the most critical in determining whether a person suffers as a disordered individual or finds satisfaction in an environment that recognises his strengths
8. Positive niche construction directly modifies the brain, which in turn enhances its ability to adapt to the environment.
Seeing our own inner strengths builds our self-confidence, provides us with courage to pursue our dreams and promotes the development of specific skills that canprovide deep satisfaction in life.

An edited excerpt from the book, which was recently published by Ode Magazine, can be read at: http://www.odemagazine.com/doc/

Michele Toner
2/434 Cambridge St, Floreat 6014, WA, Australia
Landline: +61 (0)8 6142 9456
Mobile: 0411 067 541
Email: micheletoner@hotmail.com
http://www.micheletoner.com

Things to work on with your ADHD Coach

Coaching is a relatively new profession, and people often wonder what actually happens in a coaching session. Well, it's simple. The client chooses a goal, or a few goals, and then sets about designing the steps required to achieve the goal(s) within a certain timeframe. Along the journey, the coach keeps the client focused, motivated and accountable.

Here's an example of goals you might choose to work on with your coach:

• Clean out the clutter in my cupboards/ drawers/ garage/ benchtops/ office
• Increase my ability to process more information without becoming overwhelmed
• Establish one delicious habit and do it every day
• Always arrive early and never feel rushed
• Reduce the amount of conflict in my life
• Take charge of my life instead of letting others run it for me.
• Take much more time for me instead of living too much for others
• Reduce adrenalin in my life so I don't burn myself or others out
• Accelerate my personal development
• Find a career I love
• Discover my personal values & orient my life around them
• Put my family first without putting myself second
• Turn my worst weakness into my biggest strength
• Find a better way to motivate myself
• Simplify my life
• Learn how to practice extreme self-care
• Spend less time in the future (or past) and more time enjoying the present
• Stop over-promising and making unreasonable commitments
• Stop smoking completely within three months
• Ask my partner / children to give 3 hours of time per week to release me for something I enjoy
• Create a personal health plan that includes daily exercise
• Learn 5 skills to improve my communication with my partner / children
• Turn my ideas into revenue streams
• Deepen my relationships with my friends
• Get more done but slow the pace at which I'm working
• Find my voice and speak confidently
• Free myself from beliefs
• Shift the paradigm in which I exist
• Come to enjoy change instead of resisting it
• Get the quality rest I need

Contact me if there's a goal or two that you'd absolutely love to achieve.

Mobile: 0411 067 541
Landline: +6 (08) 6142 9456
Email: micheletoner@hotmail.com
http://www.micheletoner.com/

I Believe in You: The ADHD Coach Credo

• I believe you have a unique gift to offer in this lifetime, which will bring you joy
• I believe that you are willing to be honest with yourself and with me
• I believe that you can solve any problem you encounter
• I believe that you are capable of far more success than you know
• I believe that you are willing to learn what others are not
• I believe that you are able to commit yourself to mastering your craft
• I believe that you are coachable
• I believe in YOU
• I believe

Copyright Coach U Inc. www.coachu.com

Michele Toner, ADHD Coach
+61 (0)411 067 541
+61 (08) 6142 9456
http://www.micheletoner.com
micheletoner@hotmail.com

ADHD Coach - Imperfection is the New Perfect

Many clients come to see me because they have been sent for 'fixing' by their wives, mothers, fathers, friends or even sometimes their children. They bring a litany of complaints compiled by their loved ones and ask me to help them to be perfect so that those close to them can like them better. I always have to disappoint them on that score. Instead of focusing on their faults, I like them to focus on their strengths. Sometimes they can't mention a single positive thing about themselves, as all they see are the faults that are constantly pointed out to them. When we love someone, and when we're worried about their inappropriate behaviours, we sometimes go overboard and won't stop trying to fix them until we think they're perfect.

I'm not making an excuse for inappropriate or hurtful behaviour here. ADHD causes much friction in the household, and much of the coaching work I do focuses on changing my clients' behaviours and habits. But I do always have to guard against the tendency to blame everything that goes wrong in the house on the child or adult with ADHD. I ask wives what it was that first attracted them to their husband with ADHD, and whether those endearing qualities still exist? If they do, we have something strong to work on. There has to be some hope! I ask mums to describe positive qualities in their children, and watch their faces light up as they talk of the wonderful lego creations, drawings, plays and other marvellous creations produced by their less-than-perfect offspring.

What's my point? Let's not forget to celebrate the good while we're weeding out the problems. Two mums, who also happen to be sisters, have started a movement to celebrate imperfection. They call themselves the Shutup Sisters, having written a book called: Shutup About your Perfect Kid!.

I urge you to join their movement, or to start one of your own. Add your celebration of imperfection to this blog, or click on my Facebook Page widget to add your story of imperfection there. You'll find a link to the Shutup Sisters there too.

Coaching can help you to identify your strengths and weaknesses. That, in turn, will make it possible to maximise your strengths and minimise your weaknesses. Yes, with coaching you too can be perfectly imperfect.

Contact me to start telephone or face-to-face coaching:

micheletoner@hotmail.com

ADHD Coaching - What Defines You?

Coaches are committed to walking their talk - working on their own personal development as they coach their clients to do the same. That's why we all have coaches too. Last week my coach, Belinda, persuaded me to share this story:

In January I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I like to refer to it as 'mild cancer' as it was detected really early during a routine mammogram. From the start, I chose to treat my diagnosis as good news. Had it not been detected I would have been in trouble. As it turned out, I had 2 minor surgical procedures (which my friends irreverently refer to as 'lobotomies') and a series of radiotherapy treatments. I'm expected to make a full recovery. I also chose not to let my cancer dominate my thoughts. Fortunately I was able to continue working throughout my treatment. Each day I looked forward to working with inspiring people from all walks of life. Unlike me, they face ongoing challenges caused by a condition for which there is no cure. I was filled with admiration for the young girl who told me that she refused to allow ADHD to define her. "I'm not Wendy with ADHD", she said. "I'm Wendy who works and thinks differently, and I deal with that!" Her words reminded me of another inspiring lady I once knew.

I once had the privilege of meeting Linda. She had everything to live for - two talented children and a husband she adored, who in turned doted on her. By the time I met her she was in remission from brain cancer. Shortly after we met, her tumour returned and her husband was diagnosed with lymphoma. They died within 6 months of each other. I never knew Linda prior to her diagnosis. Apparently she was organised and controlled. The woman I met was impulsive, forgetful and often blunt because of her tumour. And of course we got along like a house on fire! From the outside it may have seemed that I was looking after Linda as she prepared for her impending death. In reality, Linda was teaching me about life - and about having fun! During her chemotherapy sessions we'd plan weekends away with hired sports cars and Isadora Duncan scarves. We laughed until our cheeks ached, and our frivolous behaviour attracted many disapproving stares. Did we care? Nuh! Linda told me that she refused to allow cancer to define her life. She consciously chose to be happy even though she was faced with such dreadful hardship. I hoped and prayed that I might be half as strong if I were ever tested as she was.

I think Linda would have approved of how I dealt with my cancer diagnosis and treatment. I refused to put my life on hold, even when my oncologist patiently told me for the tenth time that I would feel less fatigued if I took time off work. How could I explain to her that my work energised and healed me? I had friends to laugh with, and a family on both sides of the Indian Ocean who loved and supported me. So, when I think back on the past months since I received my diagnosis, I think of a lot more than cancer. Here are some achievements:

• coaching people with ADHD every day
• a wonderful week of coach training in Sydney
• a great network of like-minded coaches to support me
• finding a marvellous mentor coach
• handing over the LADS presidency
• visiting my daughter in Melbourne - TWICE
• planning a trip to South Africa for my mum's 80th in September
• moving to the perfect office for coaching
• winning the Cameron prize for best research in UWA's Faculty of Education
• re-designing our kitchen & bathrooms which are about to be renovated
• completing most of the requirements for ACC certification with the International Coach Federation
• having fun with my friends and family
• my husband and I buying a red scooter (which he has forbidden me to drive!)

Now that my treatment has ended I can start the next chapter of my life. Much ADHD coaching will be carried out, and even more fun will be had! And I WILL drive that red scooter.